


Hats

by felinedetached



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Pure Crack, and completely out 2 fuck up kakashis day, lowkey implied time travel, team seven are little shits, the bell test doesnt fucking exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 00:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15401361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felinedetached/pseuds/felinedetached
Summary: What if the bell test was replaced by something else?





	Hats

When Kakashi told his genin team to steal the Kage’s hat; told them that anyone who didn’t have one would fail, he hadn’t expected  _ this _ . Hadn’t expected Sarutobi’s hat to go missing on the first day of his new baby genin’s week-long disappearance. 

 

He  _ definitely  _ hadn’t expected an uproar in Suna two days later - something about their Kage’s hat going missing. (He has a bad feeling. A very,  _ very _ bad feeling.)

 

Even worse; Kiri gets up in arms about the same things just two days after  _ that, _ and Kakashi’s bad feeling only gets worse. 

 

Then finally,  _ finally,  _ his genin reappear: Naruto with the red hat of the Hokage perched firmly on his head as he jumps up and down, Sakura lazing and  _ smirking,  _ wearing the Mizukage’s blue hat, and Sasuke, looking like he couldn’t care less, the Kazekage’s green hat resting on his crossed legs. 

 

“Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto cries, bouncing forwards, “We did it!”

 

“So you did,” Kakashi replies faintly. “Where’d you get the other two?”

 

“Oh!” Naruto says, “Sakura-chan broke into the Mizukage’s house - isn’t she great - and it was just sitting on the table!”

 

Sakura snorts, light, but there’s a spark in her eyes that hadn’t been there the week before. “It was completely unguarded,” she says, “Kiri is made up of idiots.”

 

(Kakashi thinks he hears her murmur ‘Mei should just kill him in his sleep’, but he doesn’t dwell on it. Doesn’t want to think about how one of his poor, innocent genin could know about the state of things in Kiri.)

 

“Right,” he says, a little weakly, “and the Kazekage’s hat?”

 

“Sabaku no Gaara got it for us,” Sasuke says, dismissive. “He doesn’t like his dad anyway.”

 

“Are you telling me,” Kakashi says, “that you convinced the Kazekage’s son to steal his father’s hat.”

 

“Yeah!” Naruto says, beaming. “He’s great! And his dad’s a dick, so.”

 

Kakashi whines. “You’re going to cause an international incident,” he says, burying his face in his hands. 

 

“But we passed, right?” Naruto says, tilting his head curiously. Sakura perks up, curious, and even  _ Sasuke _ turns to look at him. 

 

Kakashi sighs. “Yeah,” he says, “yeah, you did.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Jiji!” Naruto’s voice rings through the office, and Sarutobi looks up. The boy is bouncing towards him, his missing hat on his head and two other Kage hats in his hands. “Look what I’ve got!”

 

Sarutobi stares, disbelief writ across his face. “Where’d you get them? Better question;  _ why _ do you have them?”

 

“It was my genin test!” Naruto says, bouncing. “N’ Sakura and Sasuke gave them to me! We all needed a hat to pass, y’know!”

 

“Yeah,” Sarutobi says, “but you should probably give those back to their proper owners, yeah?”

 

Naruto pouts. “But finders keepers!”

 

“Naruto.”

 

“I don’t wanna!” He says, “Rasa n’ Yagura are dicks!”

 

“Naruto,” Sarutobi groans, “you can’t just call the other village leaders dicks.”

 

“Why not,” he whines, “Gaara got his dad’s hat for us because Rasa tried to assassinate him like, seven times! Or more! I don’t wanna give the hat back to someone like that. Especially not to someone who’d do things like that to people like me!”

 

Sarutobi buries his face in his hands and tries not to cry.  _ Of course _ Naruto made friends with the Kazekage’s ostracised jinchuriki son.  _ Of course.  _

 

“Okay,” he says, letting out an exhausted breath. “Okay. At least give the Mizukage his hat back?”

 

Naruto pouts harder. “But Yagura’s a dick too! He’s killing bloodlines! Sasuke’s a bloodline!”

 

“Sasuke  _ has _ a bloodline,” Sarutobi corrects, patiently. “And how do you know about Kiri’s bloodline purges?”

 

“It’s in the history books, Jiji!” Naruto whines, “and like, we were  _ there,  _ y’know?”

 

Sarutobi hadn’t known that Naruto had actually  _ read  _ the history books, but it’s not like he’s going to  _ complain  _ about it. “Okay, Naruto,” he says. “Can I have my hat back, at least?”

 

“Sure!” Naruto acquices, dropping the Kazekage’s hat as he fumbles to give Sarutobi’s hat back to him. Sarutobi sighs, something wearily fond, as he watches him. He eventually gets him the hat, though; eventually dumps it on his desk and smiles, pure and bright. 

 

“Good work on passing your genin exam, Naruto,” Sarutobi says, eventually. 

 

“Thanks, Jiji!” Naruto replies. “I gotta go find Sasuke and Sakura, though - Sakura promised me ramen! Bye!”

 

* * *

 

Sakura laughs, light and breathless, as Naruto drops into the room and dumps Yagura’s hat on her head. “Hey, Naruto!”

 

Naruto laughs in return, flops onto the ground and drops his head into Sakura’s lap. “Sakura! Jiji wanted me to give the hats back, but I didn’t wanna.”

 

“Good,” Sakura laughs again, sees Sasuke poke his head through the door at the noise. “I didn’t want to either.”

 

“Sasuke!” Naruto says, “I’ve got your hat.”

 

“Oh, good,” Sasuke says, “I always wanted to be Kazekage.”

 

“I’d make a good Mizukage,” Sakura says thoughtfully, “Or, at least, I’d make a better one than Yagura.”

 

“I don’t think Sasuke would be a very good Kazekage, though,” Naruto says, snorts at Sasuke’s quietly offended  _ hn. _

 

“Did you see Kakashi’s  _ face,  _ though?” Sakura says, laughter poorly hidden in her voice. “He was so dismayed!”

 

“No, Sakura,” Sasuke says patiently, “I didn’t see his face. He was wearing a mask.” Naruto’s cackles turn into breathless wheezes at this; deep, heaving breaths that don’t seem to give him much air at all. Sakura’s almost concerned.

 

But she’s just a  _ little _ more focused on the fact that  _ Sasuke made a joke. _

 

“Oh my god,” she says, “I’ve known you for literal years, is this  _ really _ the first time you’ve joked with us?”

 

“No,” Sasuke says, offended.

  
  
“Yes,” Naruto counters, barely audible through his laughter.

 

“Fuck both of you,” Sasuke says, and Sakura laughs again, breathless and beautifully happy.

 

“We’re going to have so much fun,” she says, watches as her boys agree. Smiling, Sakura places the Mizukage’s hat on her head, and feels like she’s queen of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/460643080048082986/470898181991956480/KAKASHIWEDIDIT.PNG) in the [Genjutsu Support Group](https://discord.gg/J55gftf)'s brainstorming chat.
> 
> Come yell at me on [tumblr](https://felinedetached.tumblr.com/)!


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